Thursday: Team mate has a meeting with me to feedback on issues in some work submitted to a client. Happily had the meeting and agreed to all his points - at this point he was not blaming me for these mistakes they were proofing mistakes not picked up by someone else and just want to point them out so I have no issue about this.
Friday: Come into work and he wants another meeting. I ask him what the meeting is for as I have a client deadline to meet by end of the day and I cannot guarantee when that work will go as it needs approval from senior directors. He won't tell me what it is for so I ask again and he refuses to tell me and in my opinion aggressively says to me book the meeting in (repeated this several times). At which point I gave in and booked one in - evidently I had to cancel it so I did telling him why - client work not finished. Client work went in at 5pm, he was in a meeting so I went to talk to someone just for a break as I didn't have a single break all day not even one for lunch. I come back after 5 mins and ask my colleagues including him if there is anything they need me for as I want to leave 10 mins early to catch an earlier train as I would like to attend a family pre-wedding party. Everyone including him was fine with it.
Today: He asks me to reschedule the meeting when Im free - so Iasked again just so I can understand how important the meeting is as I have a number of deadlines to meet today and tomorrow. No response so I set it up for Wednesday and straight away he is demanding a meeting today and then storms off our manager complaining. Manager moves a meeting I had with her to allow for the meeting to happen. In the meeting we finally have he says the reason I wanted this meeting was a red herring really because I really want to talk about our working relationship - I say ok, he goes off on one saying I am disrepectful to him because I didn't have the meeting with him on Friday and it was important he had it Friday to clear the air about this issue he had about our working relationship and that I am avoiding the meeting. Goes on to say that he saw me milling about at 5pm talking to people and then left work early. I replied that I did not know the meeting was important and I asked you what it was about because then I cam prioritize against my other deadlines when I can make that meeting - he said I was unprofessional and reiterated that I left early etc - I walked out of the meeting at that point saying I need some air and that it it out or order for him to talk to me as he is not my manager.
My manager than brought us both into a meeting to air everything out - he said he felt I disrespected him that I left early on Friday when I knew he wanted a meeting and that I was milling about on Friday. I explained everything that I didn't know the importance of the meeting he wanted I had no idea he felt that we weren't working well and why could he not communicate that to me because had I known than of course I would of made sure I had the meeting with him. He goes on to say that I didn't say one word to him all day on Friday that I had shut down - I explained that I was focused on my work making sure I was doing it correctly as it was going to the client and that I had spoken to him but not as much as usual just because I was concentrating on making sure I didn't make a mistake. My manager said well you must make sure you communicate with him - I replied that there have been occasions when my my team mate himself has not spoken to me much for an entire day and I don't take it that he is shutting me out more than he is working. My manager does not say anything to him about making sure he still communicates. Basically I am not allowed to sit and work in silence if I am concentrating on work but he is. I don't understand why I have to make sure I still talk when I need to knuckle down and get some work done but if its someone else that is ok.
Additionally, my manager said that any meeting requested by a team member should always be considered important even if you don't know what that meeting is about - I can understand this if my manager asks for a meeting but a colleague? I mean surely if you have a deadline to meet your colleagues should be more than understanding and flexible with the meeting unless its important and how can I tell if a meeting is important if when I ask I am not told?
I thought you priortize work and meetings e.g. if someone requests a meeting you find out what it is about if they haven't old you so you can decided if it is something that can wait a day or so or not - but now I have the impression that no matter what deadline you have if a team member wants a meeting you have it.
Following this meeting this co worker goes on to tell me he know he does not share information with me - I have raised this with my manager on 3 separate occasions and each time was told that it was my behaviour that was wrong i.e. I was not asking him for information in the right way - clearly the issue is not with me given what he told me.
I raised this with my manager but nothing has been done about it.
I just feel so stuck and left wondering if my behaviour is seriously wrong I even doubt my professional ability